I need…

I’m in dire need of inspiration.

o_o

Warning: The post below is not recommended for the sensitive/easily offended people.

Disclaimer: The views stated below are the author’s own thoughts and theories, and are sincerely and genuinely not meant to harm anyone, emotionally, mentally or spiritually.

THEREFORE, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK la.

Haha, sorry if that sounded a bit much. Maybe cos I am slightly paranoid… of the mildly plausible possibility that someone might feel offended. Partly cos I can never be too sure of who reads this blog.  O_O

So, most of you already know what’s been going on in the country for the past week but here’s the latest update on the issue anyway http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/opinion/breaking-views/49332-allah-the-blame-game–the-malaysian-insider.

It is pointless for me to say that it is quite sad that the entire thing happened, as it unquestionably is. As the tension grows, as people continue to talk about it during lunch, as the government ponders on what they should do about it, I just feel the need to get my opinion out too.

I think that the factor that is causing the select Muslims (I say select, because I honestly believe that the majority are against the whole church burning thing, even if not all of them agree that it is 100% alright for Christians to use the word Allah) to act in such a rash, emotional manner (resorting to violent means) is not so much that they feel the need to protect their God fiercely and defensively, or that they feel the intense allegiance to their faith, as a kind of obligation they have as a follower, but more so because they feel some amount of possessiveness over what is “theirs” and not “others’”. If that makes any sense. They feel that calling their God Allah is their right, and their’s alone. Almost like a privilege. And a privilege only feels like a privilege when nobody else is allowed the same. Otherwise, it would not be a privilege anymore, technically, right?

Honestly, that’s really what it seems like to me. I’m not sure if anyone out there agrees with me.

Sigh, but then again. It’s human nature to claim what is yours and to mark it. When we lose something we feel is rightfully ours, the feeling is akin to grief, although grief is probably an extreme word to use.

I just hope this issue doesn’t escalate. For one thing, it’s already putting the country in a bad light. It exasperates me when I read online about what people from other countries think of the issue. This effect is not only shameful, but can seriously damage our foreign investments prospects.

To my Christian friends out there, do continue praying about this.

Like seriously? (Oh Btw Hols have started)

Yessssss. Like seriously??? My sleep pattern is screwed up! This is what happens when you add these equations together:

Insomnia problems since young  + crazy college assignments for 3.5 months + an unpredictable mixture of days when there is loads of activity and some with none + DSPS for 2 years + N-24 that comes and goes + etc etc etc = crazily messed up sleeping pattern.

:-S

Like right now, it’s after 3 am and I feel soooooo wide awake! I feel like skipping sleep for tonight and sleeping tomorrow night.

Haiyoooo.

That aside, ok…. What to talk about? Haha.

I am writing in my newly bought notebook while typing o_o. Notebook as in the printed kind la ok. I don’t have money to buy a notebook computer.

My view on the left hand side:

 

The place where I spend the most time when I’m at home O_O:

My dog is still super cute! XPP Today I saw two other dogs, small toy dog kinds like mine too.

That’s all for now folks. Laters!

Assignments, assignments…

After a fun-filled and exciting weekend of an All-American Rejects concert and whatnots, here I am being brought back down to earth with assignments after assignments. I have a Principles of Broadcasting presentation to prepare for, which honestly, I’m still yet to know how it will turn out to be. Just finished filming about 30 scenes of “How to Make Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice” which practically took the whole day today (thanks again to those involved hehe, i’m just grateful for your help and patience). To add to that, I am leading worship for the first time for Christian Fellowship meeting tomorrow. Talk about busy, right? But that’s life I guess… it challenges you, drains your energy at times, but at the end of the day, you feel the satisfaction if you have put in effort and feel like you’ve done a good job, right?

There’s gonna be tonsss more assignments and work to do for the next two weeks, I just hope I have the energy and concentration to last me >_<. Tonight, I sort of “snapped” at my family members who were clueless as to why I was so “kancheong” and stressed (Dad called me rude and told me off, saying that I should treat my parents and my friends/classmates differently… but of course, parents have THE RIGHT to take out THEIR bad moods on children… but oh well). Funny how my family never understands the stresses of uni/college when I tell them. They don’t believe me. It’s like they need to attend college and watch the environment with their own eyes to believe it.

At busy, busy, draining times like these, prayer really helps me. Gives me just a little bit of strength and faith to continue trudging on. Some people might say that praying means that you’re relying on “someone” to do what is your own responsibility, but I disagree. I understand that I need to do my part as well. Don’t we all?

But gosh, sometimes I really wish I have some sort of instant “self-confidence” booster lol. Low self-confidence is one of my weak areas, and it’s something I’m trying to work on, but it’s not always easy. Hard to ignore that voice at the back of your head that says you’re not good enough, or only average and not… gooood. Ya know?

I’m looking forward to the holidays, kinda. Am pretty nervous but psyched about my Japan trip, and a possible trip to Penang with some friends before that. As to what I’m gonna do after returning from travelling, I have yet to confirm. Definitely I NEED to learn how to drive (gosh, it has been delayed for wayyy too long). As for part-time work or internship, I’d actually like to give it a go at some company, but there will be obstacles/circumstances that I need to work through in order to do that =/.

Hey, I actually feel better now after letting things off my mind onto my little (humble) blog. I have no idea who still reads this blog sometimes (lol). But if you’re reading this, hey, thanks!

For some reason…

For some reason, I just keep listening to this song over and over again.

I was young but I wasn’t naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

 

I keep subjecting myself to these emo songs. Someone should just smack me out of my masochism. Though I doubt that’d work.

I am so disappointed with myself right now.

One more down

Just finished my JE seminar paper. Printed out and Assign-ITed (submitted soft copy). Geez, stupid academic papers. I think I was born to never write them, much less, write them well.

It’s 5 something in the morning, and I don’t feel like sleeping for an hour before going for class. Won’t be able to fall asleep anyway… I normally can’t fall asleep between 3am and 6am if there’s an 8am class the next day. But I DID have a loooooong 5 hour nap yesterday. Hmm and I guess it’s a good thing I don’t drive .

I’m hungry now. Can’t wait for breakfast.

I shall rest and relax for today. And continue the madness tomorrow.

strange? :/ :)

I was just reading through an editorial that I read back in 2006 online and clicked on the link where I can view comments/discussions from other people. Had a jump in my heart when I found that one of the people who posted was me. I forgot I posted that. And the next comment was someone saying that she agreed. I really miss my days as an online forum-er. The online community is awesome… it’s like they have their own little world. It was a lot of fun, posting my own comments/theories and having strangers praise me for what I said (“Excellent post”, etc.) or to take what I said further and develop their own theories or add to the argument.

Sometimes I wonder if these people are really as intelligent as they sound, in real life as well. Cos we can’t ignore the fact that there’s an advantage online, where you can sit and plan out what you’re going to say, edit, re-edit…

It’s somewhat strange, but being an active online forum-er was a tremendous help to me in shaping me. Sounds a bit far-fetched when you first hear me say that, right? But it’s … quite the truth. I NEVER would have developed any skill in justifying arguments, articulating myself, or critiquing the media (whether it be books, movies) if it weren’t for that. When I look back, it was probably one of the many things that led me to pursue mass comm now.

I’m only up when you’re not down, don’t wanna fly if you’re still on the ground

Simply put, I miss being with someone who knows me better than myself.

=/

=============

Now that it’s 12 plus midnight and the house is quiet, I feel like I can write this in peace. With no annoying little sister peeking over to read from the screen or to keep pulling or tapping my arm (literally), rambling about some random stuff that she’s thinking of or that happened on that day. Or to keep begging me to play with her. Geez. I wonder if all little sisters are like that.

Eh you know how people always say that they have nightmares of assignments in the midst of doing them or when they are under a lot of stress from assignment deadlines and such? Ha. I had nightmares too. But of other stuff. What the heck man. What does that even mean? And not just fleeting nightmares, as in the types that just last for like a minute and you forget them as soon as you wake up. I’m talking real nightmares. The types that tell you about something in your subconscious.

Oh gawwwwwd. Sorry, can’t say what exactly I dreamt of, but it was downright disturbing. I. am. worried.

Lolz can someone please give a legitimate explanation to me of WHY people still blast fireworks during EVERY single festivity (this time round, Deepavali of coz) eventhough it’s BANNED?? I would actually classify it as noise pollution. It’s not very considerate, considering that people might need to sleep or study, and therefore can’t do with sudden noises blasting in their ears every now and then.

In case you haven’t noticed, this is another random post – it’s not about one thing in particular, but rather, a lot of things, because there have been too many things going through my mind lately not to put them all down. So excuse me if it all seems rather incoherent or no smooth transitions or etc.

The Japan trip is proving to be headache-inducing. Don’t even ask. Too many circumstances, both unforseen and should have foreseen, anything, you name it, had materialized. Some are gone, some are… adding incoveniences. I don’t ever wanna be a travel agent if this is what planning trips would entail.

Gosh, it’s past 1am now, and I feel like watching a movie. Maybe I will.

Will continue writing tomorrow.

P/S: Enneagram Type 7 and Type 9 combinations are awesome.

Shawn Hookloff – She Could Be You

One of the most beautiful songs ever, if not the most. And I am not saying this just because I’m a Kyle XY fan. Give it a listen. It’s worth your time, and if you find it’s not, you can come slap me.

Piano + Acoustic Guitar = Heavenly combination